Brownsville Noise
http://brownsvillenoise.blogspot.com/
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A Retelling of How the Bitch Stole Christmas
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RCWggeSUxdk/TvvrQBaC7DI/AAAAAAAAAlQ/gEI2FaRjm4k/s1600/375302_238736926199690_100001901541307_583203_417953169_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RCWggeSUxdk/TvvrQBaC7DI/AAAAAAAAAlQ/gEI2FaRjm4k/s320/375302_238736926199690_100001901541307_583203_417953169_n.jpg" width="182" /></a></div>Every Brown<br />Down in Brownsville<br />Liked TSC-College a lot...<br /><br />But the Bitch,<br />Who lived in Rio Viejo,<br />Did NOT!<br /><br />The Bitch hated Brownsville! The whole TSC Mission!<br />Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.<br />It could be her birth made her brown and not white.<br />It could be, perhaps, she got beat with a shoe every night.<br />But I think that the most likely reason of all<br />May have been that her heart was two sizes too small.<br /><br />But,<br />Whatever the reason,<br />Her birth or the shoes,<br />She plotted and planned and continued to schmooze <br />Staring down from her cave with a sour, Bitchy frown<br />At the warm lighted windows below in their town.<br />For she knew every Brown down in Brownsville beneath<br />Was busy now, hanging a Juliet effigy wreath.<br /><br />"And they're casting their ballots!" she snarled with a sneer.<br />"Tomorrow’s TSC-College! It's practically here!"<br />Then she growled, with her Bitch fingers nervously drumming,<br />"I MUST find a way to keep TSC-College from coming!"<br />For, tomorrow, she knew...<br /><br />...All the Brown girls and boys<br />Would wake up bright and early. They’d vote out her boys!<br />And then! Oh, the Choice ! Oh, the choice! Choice! Choice! Choice!<br />That's one thing she hated! The CHOICE! CHOICE! CHOICE! CHOICE!<br /><br />Then the Browns, young and old, would demand fees be decreased.<br />And they'd feast! And they'd feast!<br />And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!<br />They would start questioning costs, and how they'd been fleeced<br />Which was something the Bitch couldn't stand in the least!<br /><br />And THEN<br />They'd do something she liked least of all!<br />Every Brown down in Brownsville, the tall and the small,<br />Would stand close together, with College bells ringing.<br />They'd have TSC-itis. And the Browns would start singing!<br /><br />They'd sing! And they'd sing!<br />AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!<br />And the more the Bitch thought of the Junior-College-Sing<br />The more the Bitch thought, "I must stop their TSC thing!<br />"Why for nineteen odd years I've put up with it now!<br />I MUST stop TSC College from coming!<br />...But HOW?"<br /><br />Then she got an idea!<br />An awful idea!<br />THE BITCH<br />GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!<br /><br />"I know just what to do!" The Bitch Laughed in her throat.<br />And she made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.<br />And she chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Bitchy trick!<br />"With her coat and her hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick!"<br /><br />"All I need is a fall guy..."<br />The Bitch looked around.<br />But since fall guys are scarce, there was none to be found.<br />Did that stop the old Bitch...?<br />No! The Bitch simply said,<br />"If I can't find a fall guy, I'll make one instead!"<br />So she called her dog Alan. Then she took some red thread<br />And she tied a big title on top of his head.<br /><br />THEN<br />She acquired a plan<br />And some old empty sacks<br />On a ramshackle sleigh<br />And she hitched up her hacks.<br /><br />Then the Bitch said, "Giddyap!"<br />And the sleigh started down<br />Toward the homes where the Browns<br />Lay a-snooze in their town.<br /><br />All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.<br />All the Browns were all dreaming sweet dreams without care<br />When she came to the first house in the square.<br />"There is stop number one," The old Bitchy Claus hissed<br />And she climbed to the roof, evil plan in her fist.<br /><br />Then she slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.<br />But if Santa could do it, then so could the Bitch.<br />She got stuck only once, for a moment or two.<br />Then she stuck her head out of the fireplace flue<br />Where the in-district tuition all hung in a row.<br />"In-district tuition," she grinned, "is the first thing to go!"<br /><br />Then she slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,<br />Around the Board room, and she took every present!<br />Parking Lots! And Buildings! Professorships! Graduate gowns!<br />Libraries! Snack Bars! Book Stores! And Lawns!<br />And she stuffed them in bags. Then the Bitch, very nimbly,<br />Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!<br /><br />Then she slunk to the tax rolls. She took the Browns' feast!<br />She increased the tax rate! She took the tamale-roast beast!<br />She cleaned out those tax rolls as quick as a flash.<br />Why, that Bitch even took thousands for a self-serving bash!<br /><br />Then she stuffed all the money up the chimney with glee.<br />"And NOW!" grinned the Bitch, "I’ll discredit trustees!"<br /><br />And the Bitch blamed trustees, and she started to shove<br />When she heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.<br />She turned around fast, trouble stared to brew!<br />Little Adela whose years on the board had been few.<br /><br />The Bitch had been caught by their little Brown daughter<br />Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.<br />She stared at the Bitch and said, "Santy Claus, why,<br />"Why are you breaking our Partnership ? WHY?"<br /><br />But, you know, that old Bitch was so smart and so slick<br />She thought up a lie, and she thought it up quick!<br />"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied,<br />"There's a trustee or two that won’t vote on my side.<br />"So I'm taking it home to the Regents, my dear.<br />"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."<br /><br />And her fib fooled the board. Then she patted their heads<br />And she made up some bullshit and she sent them to bed.<br />And when Rene, Trey and Kiko went to bed with their cups,<br />SHE went to the chimney and stuffed the cash up!<br /><br />Then the last thing she took<br />Was the log for their fire.<br />Then she went up the chimney herself, the old liar.<br />On their rolls she left nothing but eleven for hire.<br /><br />And the one speck of cash<br />The she left in the house<br />Was a dime that was even too small for a mouse.<br /><br />Then<br />She did the same thing<br />To the other Brown's houses<br /><br />Leaving crumbs<br />Much too small<br />For the other Brown's mouses!<br /><br />It’s the time in the story, you were waiting for when<br />I dishonorably mention that putz, DP/M<br />That talentless hack that still darkens our door<br />For readers and notice he continues to whore<br />With cucuy uncounted he continues his edict<br />“I’ve written this bullshit, so now you MUST read it!â€<br />We continue our story from here to the end<br />With no further mention of DP slash M<br /><br />It was quarter past dawn...<br />All the Browns, still a-bed<br />All the Browns, still a-snooze<br />When she packed up her sled,<br />Running the despicable game plan<br />That Wayne Moore had read.<br /><br />Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!<br />The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!<br /><br />Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Crumpit,<br />She rode to the tiptop to dump it!<br />"The plan was so smart!" she was Bitch-ish-ly humming.<br />"They're finding out now that no TSC’s is coming!<br />"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!<br />"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two<br />"The all the Browns down in Brownsville will all cry BOO-HOO!"<br /><br />"That's a noise," grinned the Bitch,<br />"That I simply must hear!"<br />So she paused. And the Bitch put a hand to her ear.<br />And she did hear a sound rising over the snow.<br />It started in low. Then it started to grow...<br /><br />But the sound wasn't sad!<br />Why, that sound sounded merry!<br />It couldn't be so!<br />But it WAS merry! VERY!<br /><br />She stared down at Brownsville!<br />The Bitch popped her eyes!<br />Then she shook!<br />What she saw was a shocking surprise!<br /><br />Every Brown down in Brown-ville, the tall and the small,<br />Was singing! Without any presents at all!<br />She HADN'T stopped TSC College from coming!<br />IT CAME!<br />Somehow or other, it came just the same!<br /><br />And the Bitch, with her Bitch-feet ice-cold in the snow,<br />Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?<br />It came without Regents! Or Reba the Hag!<br />It came despite Putegnat's coauthored plan!<br />And she puzzled three hours, `till her puzzler was sore.<br />Then the Bitch thought of something she hadn't before!<br />"Maybe TSC College," she thought, "isn't something to whore."<br />"Maybe TSC College...perhaps...means a little bit more!"<br /><br />And what happened then...?<br />Well...in Brownsville they say<br />That the Bitch's small heart<br />Is what gave her away.<br />And when her evil plan had been posted one night,<br />The board of trustees took offense at her slight,<br />They brought all the terms of the contracts to light.<br />And they brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!<br />And she...<br /><br />...SHE HERSELF...!<br />The Bitch was carved up like a beast!<br /><br />Rot in Hell, Julie! It's over! Good Night, Puta<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7460924536583987444-854263468163530223?l=brownsvillenoise.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>
LINK: http://brownsvillenoise.blogspot.com/2011/12/retelling-of-how-bitch-stole-christmas.html
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Billy Gets a Response from Santa!
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WZzgkvH6nFA/TvvrzA-X3jI/AAAAAAAAAlc/gOn5FhG9XFA/s1600/381152_239320026141380_100001901541307_584620_834438459_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WZzgkvH6nFA/TvvrzA-X3jI/AAAAAAAAAlc/gOn5FhG9XFA/s1600/381152_239320026141380_100001901541307_584620_834438459_n.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7460924536583987444-4417106661140471933?l=brownsvillenoise.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>
LINK: http://brownsvillenoise.blogspot.com/2011/12/billy-gets-response-from-santa.html
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How the Bitch Stole Christmas - Christmas Eve
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nRIODM0zwoI/Tvvslg9dxJI/AAAAAAAAAl0/rkE_nDQwP8c/s1600/375302_238736926199690_100001901541307_583203_417953169_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nRIODM0zwoI/Tvvslg9dxJI/AAAAAAAAAl0/rkE_nDQwP8c/s320/375302_238736926199690_100001901541307_583203_417953169_n.jpg" width="182" /></a></div><div><br /></div>A Retelling of "How the Bitch Stole Christmas" Christmas Eve night.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7460924536583987444-861072430469679643?l=brownsvillenoise.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>
LINK: http://brownsvillenoise.blogspot.com/2011/12/how-bitch-stole-christmas-christmas-eve.html
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♥ ♥ BFFs ♥ ♥
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuTW6vSITIWPsKkuoumenechNTUUwraeokw7C-5ABOqNzfhdx4yznexCezVkondI1Y33NIxoZkp7-rPSbvx12qxSj75nPV5C7w_m3nM35QWWqjDHKxZUK84IeatQYJVIOHOhAmNk200oIK/s1600/bff.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="278" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuTW6vSITIWPsKkuoumenechNTUUwraeokw7C-5ABOqNzfhdx4yznexCezVkondI1Y33NIxoZkp7-rPSbvx12qxSj75nPV5C7w_m3nM35QWWqjDHKxZUK84IeatQYJVIOHOhAmNk200oIK/s400/bff.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>Rick congratulates his BFF Charlie on his Turd Place showing in the recent valleycentral.com poll.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7460924536583987444-8997923795881558037?l=brownsvillenoise.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>
LINK: http://brownsvillenoise.blogspot.com/2011/03/bffs.html
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